Learning to be a big girl!

Well Logan really enjoyed the hayride last week. He had so much fun that he stood on the seat in the front and watch everything the whole time. Except when I made him sit to take a few pics. LOL. I might want to add that this I guess wasn't a "real" hayride because for some reason there was NO hay! LOL. So I guess I should call it a wagon ride. Either way he had a blast with his friend and I got to get out of the house and spend time with one of my friends too whom I never have time to see anymore. This Friday we are taking them to the HGH for a program that is called Family Matters. They do arts and crafts and Logan will get to socialize with other children. Plus its FREE! How great is that! I have been struggling lately because it is now Hunting Season or as Murray calls it "Huntin Season". I knew going into this relationship that 3 months out of the year he would be off doing it ALOT. Well needless to say I try to deal but have been failing miserably. I feel bad. You would think at 30 I would be ok doing things by myself or being alone. Yet sadly I am not. I wish that I could deal with this better. It has always been a major issue of mine. Not that I am really alone because I have Logan and I am trying to see the silver lining in all this. So I have decided to try and enjoy myself by keeping busy and finding new things to do with Logan. So that is where the wagon ride and Family Matters has come into play. Also I am going to Watertown shopping tomorrow with one of our friends wife and new baby. This should be really interesting because this girl has probably only ever said half a dozen words to me in the 6 months that Murray and I have been together. She has always been sort of a miserable person and doesn't really have any friends. Maybe having the baby has changed her outlook or maybe we are sharing that common bond of being as she puts it "divorced" for the next 3 months. LOL. Seeing as her husband is Murrays best friend so of course he will do nothing but hunt for the next 3 months also. I am so grateful to have the friends that I do in my life. They are my family and my life line. I am curious to see how tomorrow will go. Maybe I will get a new friend and maybe we can help each other out with the huntin blues. I am looking for suggestions from anyone who may be able to help me figure out why I can't deal with being alone. I have tried for years to deal and just can't seem to do it. I want to be an independent person in a relationship where I don't feel like I have to have my man by my side at all times to make me happy. So if you have suggestions please leave them. I could really use some help on this one.

Halloween Take 2

Well so much for finding his costume. The next day I checked my email and wouldn't you know that they were out of stock! So after 3 more hours of searching I came to the conclusion that he would not be Pablo this year. So I decided that he would be the next best thing. TYRONE! Again another Backyardigans character. Tyrone is a moose and even though the costume is cute and he will be adorable I am so sad that he can not be Pablo, but life goes on. One more day of work and then it will be time to relax. I am still sick a week later and am really tired of it. I have plans of taking Logan on a hayride this Friday. I hope that he will enjoy it! I really hate that I can't do all the things that I would like to do with him. It is so hard because I work weekends. Last weekend his babysitter took him to the Pumpkin Festival and even though I am grateful that she could take him I must confess I was a little jealous because it is something I would have loved to do with him. I guess that the life of a working mother. Is it wrong to be jealous? Even though I know I am a great mother I can't help but feel like I just can't do enough with him. Maybe its because I only see him for 3 1/2 days a week and there just never seems to be enough time. Who knows.

Halloween!

May I say that this year it was IMPOSSIBLE to find Logan a costume. I belive in Logan being independent and making his own choices as long as he is not hurting himself or anyone else. Last year we let him loose in the halloween store and he chose his own costume. So again I tried this year but there was not a whole lot for kids his size and anything they had he hated. So I came home and got on the internet looking for ideas. Needless to say I found a costume. Logan loves the Backyardigans and loves Pablo. For those of you who don't know he is a blue penguin. Well I made the mistake of showing it to Logan. He of course LOVED it! Well I thought that it would be simple point and click. OOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO. They had 3 different styles and the one that I wanted proved to be impossible. After 3 days online searching I finally found one at 9:15pm. The things we do for our children. My mom says I am crazy and that I should just put him in blue pjs and tell him he is Pablo. LOL. If only it was that easy. I think she forgets how smart he really is. So maybe he is spoiled, but I still think that letting him choose what he wants to be should be his choice. My goal is to raise a smart, independent child who know right from wrong and can make smart choices in life and know that his mother will always be there for him if he needs her. Just out of curiosity does EVERYONE want to be Pablo this year and if so thanks for making it almost impossible to find the right costume. LOL.

Sick and tired

I have finally caught a cold that has been going around where I work and it stinks. I REALLY hate being sick. On top of that I pray that I don't give it to Logan. I think him being sick is way worse than me. Logan is getting to be so smart and growing up so fast! One of his favorite things to do with Murray is watch the hunting channel and see the deer. so now we are OBSESSED!!! Every time we are traveling he will look out his window and announce that he wants to see a deer and if we tell him to watch he might see one, but he also may not he becomes upset yelling, "Mama i want deer!" We travel at least once a week and as you might guess it makes for a long trip. The other day on our way home from Plattsburg we made the mistake of stopping at the deer farm. It was fine until we had to leave. Need I say he screamed for 5 min.! I hope that hunting will become a way for Murray and Logan to bond as he grows and I see that it is already starting to look that way. Those two are inseparable! I love watching them together and I love watching their relationship evolve. At 21 Murray has most definitely stepped into fatherhood better than I think most men his age. Before us he was a typical 21 yr old. Out drinking and partying with his friends. Now he is more content staying home and being a loving boyfriend and dad. Some days I just feel so lucky and blessed.

My life at 30

As you may have already have seen I am a 30 yr old mom of a 2 yr old boy named Logan. He is my entire world! He is the cutest, funniest, smartest boy that I know. Ok so I may be a little biast, but aren't all mothers? LOL. As i mentenioned in my profile I decided this year for my 30th birthday I would make life changing decisions. I left my sons father of 7 years to be with someone who is 21. Many of you may think mid-life crisis, but I see it as following my heart and finding true love. My sons father was 10 yrs older than me and you would think that he would be a little more grounded than someone who is 9 yrs younger. Not in this case. I hate to fight to get pregnant with our son and this man never wanted to marry me until it was too late. He worked long hours to provide for "things" for the family. Now I am not saying that this is a bad quality, but not having someone there to share these "things" with is. So I opted to move on and find someone who would love me to the end of time. All I want are the little things. Lots of cuddling, kisses, someone who wants to talk and share things with. Is that so much to ask? So ih the end I have found that. We have been together for almost 6 months now and life is fun, exciting and I feel more love now than I ever have before. He knows at 21 that he wants to marry me someday and have a child with me. To me that simply amazes me that he could figure that all out in 6 months and a man who is 40 couldn't figure that out in 7 yrs. MEN! Murray has become an amazing so called step-father to my son and my son loves him to death. So slowly we are learing to become this happy, loving family. Now I just got to teach him to clean. LOL.

Here we go!

This is my first time ever doing something like this and feel like it would be an outlet for myself and other mothers. I hope whomever decides to read this enjoys and can relate and may want to share their stories and feel free to leave me comments.